MEMORIES OF A LOST FRIENDSHIP

I wrote a letter you didn’t want take it. I tried to speak again with you, but you avoid even my eyes. I tried to say you goodbye but you refused my hug. It was hurting for me, do you know? You will never read this letter. You will never see me in the future, even if we are living in the same place, under the same sky. We are strangers, but I didn’t want that the end was this one. A day you asked me to remain friends. I said no. I wanted to tell you that at that moment for me it was really complicated remaining friend with a person that I wanted continue to kiss. For me, a kiss it is not a mistake. I kissed a few people in my life, and one of these are you. I was surprised the first time you have kissed me, but also excited and... happy.

Yes, I was happy because I liked you.

I was too honest, maybe, but because I don’t want be smart with anyone. If a man wants stay with me, he deserved to know everything.

I had read an Italian book in particular many years ago, in which a young woman stalking the man of his dream and his mother before to make love with him: for her was very important that time because it was her first time, despite she was not too young. She has told him later. He was shocked. When I had read this, I stopped with the reading. I cannot imagine to share the most important moment of a life with a person who doesn’t know it’s important. He deserved to know it was the first time for her.

In my life, I made a lot of mistakes. I will make more of them. But I am not considered the fact that I informed you it was the first time before as a mistake. Even if telling you the truth I lost you forever.

Luckily, I have found another man, My Man, the person with who I gave all my life from the moment of the first kiss. Sometimes, I wanted avoid the kisses with you. But thanks to them, I learned something more about me. I learned that I cannot have a person who consider have kissed me a mistake just because he doesn’t want the first one (and I hoped the last one).

My Man is not the first one, and I am still wallowing in pain for this reason, but he will be for sure the last man with who I will grow up. I will be a woman, a good African woman for him.

And so, I don’t want you return in my life as a kisser. I hope that one day we could come back to speak as good friends.

I wish that one day we can return to be friends, like the beginning, before “your mistake”, because I never asked you a kiss, just a friendship in a foreign country.

The first friendship after many months I was living alone.

I’d like to think that one day my daughter will be friend with one of yours and we will invite in our home him or her for a afternoon or to spend a evening together watching a movie and eating chips. I really hope our children will be better of us. I really hope our children could be friends without wounded each other.

Take care of you, dearest Eritrean friend.

If you, if you could return – Se tu, se tu potessi tornare Don’t let it burn – Non lasciare che bruci Don’t let it fade – Non lasciare che svanisca I’m sure I might be rude – Sono sicura che potrei essere rude But it’s just your attitude – Ma è solo il tuo atteggiamento It’s tearing me apart – Mi sta facendo a pezzi It’s ruining every day – Mi sta mandando in rovina ogni giorno And I swore, I swore I would be true – E giuro, giuro che sarei stata onesta

And honey, so did you – E tesoro, lo hai fatto anche tu So why were you holding her hand? – E allora perché la tenevi per mano? Is that the way we stand? – E’ quello il nostro modo di stare insieme? Were you lying all the time? – Stavi mentendo tutto il tempo? Was it just a game to you? – Era solo un gioco per te?

But I’m in so deep – Ma ci sono così profondamente dentro You know I’m such a fool for you – Lo sai che sono così folle per te You’ve got me wrapped around your finger – Mi hai completamente in pugno Do you have to let it linger? – Devi lasciare che si trascini? Do you have to, do you have to – Devi lasciare, devi lasciare do you have to let it linger? – Devi lasciare che si trascini?

Oh, I thought the world of you – Pensavo che fossi tutto il mondo I thought nothing could go wrong – Pensavo che niente potesse andare male But I was wrong, I was wrong – Ma mi sbagliavo, mi sbagliavo If you, if you could get by – Se tu, se tu potessi farcela Trying not to lie – A provare a non mentire Things wouldn’t be so confused – Le cose non sarebbero così confuse And I wouldn’t feel so used – E io non mi sentirei così usata But you always really knew – Ma tu lo hai sempre saputo I just want to be with you – Io voglio solo stare con te

But I’m in so deep – Ma ci sono così profondamente dentro You know I’m such a fool for you – Lo sai che sono così folle per te You’ve got me wrapped around your finger – Mi hai completamente in pugno Do you have to let it linger? – Devi lasciare che si trascini? Do you have to, do you have to – Devi lasciare, devi lasciare do you have to let it linger? – Devi lasciare che si trascini?

You know I’m such a fool for you – Lo sai che sono così folle per te You’ve got me wrapped around your finger – Mi hai completamente in pugno Do you have to let it linger? – Devi lasciare che si trascini? Do you have to, do you have to – Devi lasciare, devi lasciare do you have to let it linger? – Devi lasciare che si trascini?